Hides in the third cubicle with
A portable extractor fan
Suitably positioned;
Awaits adjacent cubicle
Occupancy then silently
Switches on and blows
The fumes away.
The smelliest man in the office
Kills conversation with semi
Stale coffee breath;
Talks through limbs,
Carefully limiting
Gesticulations, lest turgid
Fingernail grue should steam
Away his colleagues'
Clean air.
The smelliest man in the office
Sits with arms aloft, pleading
Bacteria avoid his pits;
Legs akimbo,
Hoping for maximum orifice
Aeration and chance of
Fart and belch
Escape to window.
The smelliest man in the office
Broods at home and pits his
Pitted wits with foul misfortune.
For he was not always so,
And still remembers the fresh
Days of salad and semi-skinned
Milk before distraction drove
Him to chicken grease and
Unwashed feet.
He has a plan
To make the whole
World smelly.
He offers coffee service,
Slips a smell pill
In the steaming broth -
A chemical concoction of his
Own creation - a creeping
Stench infection to
Devour the earth.
Fools ! Who dare to snigger
At the man whose odour
Quotient is a little bigger.
The smelliest man
Knows you hate him
And will have his revenge.
© Alex Frankel 2002
